homemade apple Moonlit Dreams ~❥

Monday, March 26, 2018


#implantssuck ~ so why did I put these toxic bags inside of me & what led me to remove them...
#goodriddance #rip'april2016-march2018

First off, let me begin by saying how I had no idea how breast implants (even FDA approved, *sure ok) are toxic to the body & that many woman are getting sick from implants to this day. Thankfully, I had no signs of sickness. I could just feel my body telling me to get them out. I've always been in tune with my body & it was definitely feeling uncomfortable as well as causing issues. If you feel you have been going down some dark illness journey since you've had implants I highly suggest you check out a page on Facebook naned "Breast Implant IllnessI. I found this page because I was looking up explant of implants & what I found catapulted me to remove my implants. Implants are a foreign object & your body tries to protect itself from these which may/can lead to sicknesses. Many woman are becoming ill from implants, here is a site you can read through~
My heart goes out to the women who have become ill so this is a part of my post because it does make sense. The issues I started to have most likely began here, my body protecting itself. I'm not trying to freak anyone out but I have known a few friends who became sick after implants & they had no idea why. A little food for thought, maybe find alternatives if achieving fuller breasts is something of importance. I was only able to learn about this topic after my implants becoming problematic & looking up 3 words "breast implant removal", finding information on the toxicity of implants wasn't in your face as readily as finding breast implants surgeons.

Secondly & why I looked up those 3 words are because I had "issues" from day one. My original surgeon told me I needed to go bigger than the size I was wanting. I only wanted a little fill. The doctor & his nurse told me it would look "funny" if I went smaller (now knowing this is all untrue). So I listened to the specialist as I assured him I wasn't looking to go bigger, just fuller. I lost some of my upper pole fullness from loss of extreme weight & had no idea at the time I was underweight, insert sad face. I only noticed this as I pulled photos of recent trying to figure out what my breast looked like before the implants. You'd think I would notice these things but I was also in a trial & error part of my life. So lesson here~ really give some time (years if you can) & thought to impactful decisions regarding your body. I did, in my sense of mind. If I hadn't had all these problems with the implants they probably would be inside of me to this day not even knowing about the toxicity. Even possibly getting sick later so all in all I'm happy the doctor went too big. Which leads me to my other issue regarding my doctor. He retired after my surgery & I was left with answers of "nothing can be done by him" since he left. I couldn't even get in to talk to him, I was told to message him as I did & nothing in return. He was not accountable or responsible for me since he was retired. I then met with the doctor that took over his office & I have so much respect for the surgeon that took over. He actually seemed to care about what was happening with me & I am grateful for him. After many many consultations my journey to explant was beginning. The main issues began when I started having pain. Mostly in my right breast. I could never convey the pain to friends. It just hurt. It felt as if my body was growing something over the implant, which is called a capsular contracture. It hurt at times when I moved a certain way or doing nothing at all. It's ironic now because as I'm writing this I'm trying to recall the pain but for the life of me I can't because the pain completely vanished. I also noticed my breast were starting to push up on my chest & sit way too high. It felt like bricks in my chest, often I had very uncomfortable itching on the inside of my chest wall. I tried to massage & my right breast would hurt from that & I could feel the bag, it seemed displaced. I was also very uncomfortable doing Bikram & certain activities. The fact that I gained weight (causing my breast to be bigger) & the multiple issues I had from day one had me searching of what my options were. I couldn't go on like this. My breast constantly hurting & they felt so enormous (which is not "me") finally led me to today.

Free, feeling fucking grateful my breasts look beautiful after (almost) 2 years of bags inside of me. I love my boobs once again. Something about natural breasts; the way they naturally sit, the softness, the look of them is sexy & beautiful, I can appreciate even more so now. I feel like a feather. I have the need to share my story because all in all I wish I had never gone through what I did, I don't carry regrets in life but that was a huge costly regret. My negative is positive to this day & I can only hope to encourage woman to find alternatives if you feel the need. 

Love your boobs #ilovemyboobs ... ~❥

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Medication ~❥

as your kisses grace my fleshy neck
& you whisper,
 lips like pillows
I become entangled into you.

as our bodies are entwined
the aroma of us envelopes my room;
I'm becoming addicted
& words spoken from you,
 I'm already addicted.
Two lovers in an induced dream of electric passion,
I crave you as my opiate...

March 8, 2018 ~ July Jennifer ~❥

Friday, January 12, 2018

My Desire

Yearning his smell, what it does to her.

Craving and wild feline,
awaits submissively
 until the day beckons,
that she can wrap her legs
 around him
and knead him like a kitty...

January 8, 2015 July Jennifer ~❥

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Let Me Love You 💫

My Drug,
my Muse.
A Love
that I can never unravel.

three of many
thirty seven full moons ago
my lips touched yours.
beyond a spell of hours we kissed,
affinity of a celestial deemed by two.
into water that burned
like fire beneath my skin
the vulnerability in you
envelops my soul;
kindred of bittersweet nights
with music serenading the air.
it was then
I bemused myself
inside of you.
my delicate heart bound
and bleeds by you,
an addiction turns to loving your tortured soul.
I sense
your fear of abandon,
I behold
this is undeniable;
I embody insight of you.
to know, is what I embrace
every night under a golden moon
memoirs of you,
and I.

tongue tied
across the line
a glimpse of you
clutches at my heart
and I'm falling over once more.
waves into waves of emotion
I am with you.
everything encompassing takes flight beyond a horizon of blue;
perched onto you,
I am in moments of embracing you, nourishing you,
kissing you.
I can see affecting love in your eyes
it is then,
I want to declare;
to you,
 my love.

let me in and love you.

November 13 & 14th 2017~ July Jennifer ~❥

Thursday, September 14, 2017

the love letter ~❥

there is a garden;
she dwells in moonlit nights
of crimson reds & ocean tides.
it is here, I hold you
into my arms.
your vulnerability
intoxicating me,
into the mystique of you.

I embrace no other
 in the way I, you
like the moon
pulling at the ocean waves;
no other
embraces me in the way you,
like the night sky
clutches the moons light.

I am your garden of pleasure
& I'll tear the pain from it's fleshy skin; your wounded heart.
I live in a delicate romance
of bitten marks in sacred tongue
& your caress upon my ribcage;
favoring roses falling from it's grace~
   I thirst for more.

in those distant nights
you open a floral garden
& a fire resonates upon my dewy skin.
then, there you are
bestowing kisses upon my lips;
kisses so sweet,
like nectar
& you are within each petal,
so pretty you are,
all my secrets you find
& the heat from your lovely lips,
make this garden
a slave to you.

June 25, 2017 ~ July Jennifer ~❥

Sunday, August 20, 2017

You ~❥

I have never been embraced in the way you hold me,
the feeling of invulnerability.

I have never been so pained in the way you have tormented me.
The feeling of anguish.

August 20, 2017~ July Jennifer ~❥

Thursday, February 9, 2017


a lover beholds words,
a lover bares her soul
and a beautiful mess unfolds;
like those lovely nights of a sky unfolding and revealing only one moon.
it is here two souls collide into moonlit nights
and within, a lover dwells
so that a bleeding heart may find comfort.

orchids in moonlight
gracefully dancing,
dandelion's fluttering
and butterflies wrapped
inside her ribs;
kissed by a sweetness of heart shaped lips
this delicate garden for only him.

all he can give, is pain and poetry.
yet, she is drawn
to a tragic love story ~❥
11/7 julyjennifer ~❥